Going through a divorce isn’t always a terrible time for all involved. Some people separate through a mutual decision, realizing that the marriage isn’t giving them what they thought it would. There’s nothing wrong with collaborative divorces and they often end up better for any children involved. However, lots of people get into them thinking that it will be an easy process because the two partners are still talking to each other.
Divorce doesn’t have to be terrible – but it is almost never a simple undertaking. Here are the 7 mistakes you should avoid if you are opting for a collaborative divorce.
The 7 Mistakes to Avoid during Collaborative Divorce
1 – Not Getting Legal Advice
How do you expect to get divorced without the help of a collaborative divorce attorney? Things will be cheaper since you are not arguing, but that doesn’t mean divorce is free. There is much more to it than just deciding to go your separate ways. The courts need to be informed, names may need to change, and often custody has to be arranged. All of this takes time and money… and the help of a good attorney.
2 – Collaborative Divorce = Compromise
If you aren’t prepared to compromise with your partner, then a collaborative divorce isn’t going to work. If you are really serious about keeping things out of the courtroom, you need to give a little instead of only taking. Never underestimate how hard this may be.
3 – Not Talking
If you have a fall out, stop talking, and block each other on all your online channels, you aren’t going to be successful with the collaboration. All this comes down to communication, and how you need to keep the lines of communication open and flowing at all times. This is particularly true of couples that share children, as parents need access to children regardless of adult squabbles.
4 – Being Love Blind
In the case where one partner is still very much in love, but the other wants to move on, the loved up partner is at risk. This is because they are more likely to give in to every demand the ex makes, possibly in the misguided belief that giving them everything they want will bring them back. When a partner seeks a divorce this should be seen as a final move. Don’t give away everything you have over a lost lover.
5 – Unforeseen Arguments
Some assets that you divvy up during even the most mutual of divorces are going to cause a fight. Cars, for example, not to mention dealing with family dogs, cats, or homes. The big ticket items are the ones most likely to cause an argument -and rightly so. Seriously though, anticipation of these items is the key to success. Have bargaining chips at the ready.
6 – Blowing the Assets
Just like with a regular divorce, there is always the temptation to spend all your cash, so your ex doesn’t get to touch it. This is actually laughable. Your spouse is entitled to half of what you have at the time of the case being made. If you spend all your money – that’s your money you are spending, not theirs. You will only be forced to pay it back.
7 – Turn to the Family
Don’t turn to your family members and expect them to weigh in on your behalf. The more people you involve in your collaborative divorce, the messier it becomes. The key to a successful out-of-court divorce is to stay on good terms with each other. Involving anyone else through social media, is a bad idea.