Traditionally, family or domestic
relations courts have awarded custody of children to
their mothers and assigned to their fathers the
responsibility of supporting them. Now, a growing
number of fathers are seeking and being awarded
custody. This trend has turned many divorces into
long, bitter custody battles.
Divorcing couples have two choices if
they don't agree beforehand on custody and support
issues. They can negotiate (perhaps through
mediation) a decision they and their children can live
with, or they can fight it out in court where both
spouses hope the judge rules in their favor and that
the battle doesn't put them or their children through
severe emotional trauma.
Mediating
If parents cannot reach custody,
support and visitation decisions on their own, or if
the court doesn't think the parents' decisions are in
the "best interest of the child," the court will decide
for them. This takes time and money, and in the long
run may not be satisfactory to either spouse or
children. By comparison, mediation offers many
advantages:
- Studies show that families that mediate
their differences have a substantially better after-
divorce relationship than families that litigate their
differences.
- Mediators use a variety of negotiating techniques
to help spouses reach a mutually agreeable solution
to their differences. The final decisions are the
spouses', not the mediator's, because both spouses
have had a say in how to deal with issues that are
important to them.
- Mediation is far less expensive. Initial
consultations may be free and hourly fees range from
$50 to $150. By comparison, fees for divorce lawyers
can run $100 an hour or more for each spouse.
Mediation can occur in one day or take place over
several days or weeks. However, typical divorce
mediation involves four two-hour sessions, after
which the spouses sign a final agreement and it
becomes part of the final divorce decree.
- Mediation is faster. In a traditional court setting,
filing motions, pre-trial hearings and postponements
can stretch on for months or even years.
If you are interested in mediating a family law
dispute, check "Divorce Mediation Services" in the
Yellow Pages and shop for a mediator using
techniques spelled out in HALT's handout, "Finding a Mediator," located on
our Web site.
You can consult a lawyer for legal
advice at any time during the process. If you wait
until after you've reached an agreement, try to find a
lawyer who is open to mediation and recognizes that
your agreement reflects a mutual decision.
Remember, the lawyer's role is only to give legal
advice and assess the legality of the terms in your
agreement. At this stage, you don't want to begin a
new round of battling because your lawyer thinks you
might be able to get more.
Who Gets Custody?
If the court has to decide who gets
custody, it will ask the parents to testify about their
relationship with each child. Courts award custody
based on the "best interest of the child." Factors
used to determine the best interest of the child
include: the child's wishes, the stability of each
parent's residence and each parent's education,
income, health, religion, child-rearing attitude, and
child-care history. Depending on their ages, children
may also be asked to testify. In most states, if the
child is 12 or older, the judge will try to determine if
the child has a preference.
The court has continuing jurisdiction
over child custody. This means it not only makes the
initial decision but can change that decision later if
asked to do so by either parent.
Joint
Custody
Some couples decide to share custody
of their children. Under such "joint custody" plans,
each parent assumes custody of the child for a fixed
period. For example, one parent might have the child
during the summer, the other during the school year.
Under other joint custody plans, the parents live in
nearby neighborhoods and share time and
responsibilities on a weekly basis. The best plans are
those that consider the child's interests. Simply
agreeing to joint custody is not enough. However,
most states grant the courts the right to order joint
custody whether or not both parents approve of the
arrangement.
Child
Support
When one parent is awarded sole
custody in a divorce, the other parent needs to fulfill
his or her child support obligation by making
payments to the parent that has custody. When
parents are awarded joint custody in a divorce, their
support obligations are based on how much money
each parent earns and the percentage of time the
child spends with each parent.
Judges usually use standard payment
schedules as guidelines in deciding child support
levels. The schedules are designed to show what
support payments are appropriate for various income
levels. You and your spouse can ask the court clerk if
such a schedule is available for your area and use it
as a guide to tailor your agreement to fit your
circumstances. You can also find child support
guidelines online for most states by doing a search on
the Internet using Google or another search engine
using the phrase "child support guidelines."
These guidelines vary considerably from
state to state, so that in similar situations the child
support ordered in one state may be very different
than that ordered in another state. Child support
levels will also vary by judge, since some states allow
their judges considerable leeway in setting the
payment amount.
Child support should not be conflated
with custody and visitation. Every parent has an
obligation to support his or her children, regardless of
problems with visitation or a bad relationship with
their former spouse.
Visitation
Visitation rights are a privilege granted
to the spouse who pays child support. It's an
important privilege and parents who cooperate do a
great deal to help their children adjust to divorce and
grow in normal and healthy ways. If there is extreme
tension between the parents so that they cannot
decide on a visitation schedule, the court will
establish a fixed visitation schedule that caters to
the needs of the children and the parents.
Visitation rights are granted almost
without exception to the parent who doesn't have
custody. This is true even if visitation isn't included
in the divorce agreement. When drawing up an
agreement, spouses should recognize that visitation
cannot be denied on the basis of ill will between
spouses, failure to pay child support or alimony, or
even inconvenience to the parent who has custody.
Resources
HALT's Citizens Legal
Manual Do-It-Yourself Law: HALT's
Guide to Self-Help Books, Kits, and Software
includes a chapter on family law. Refer to this
chapter for a review of the best book picks on family
law.
Nolo is one of the premiere publishers of
legal self-help information. This Berkeley, California
self-help publisher has more than 100 titles aimed at
specific areas of the law, in addition to
comprehensive computer software. Visit
their Web site.
The Web site www.divorcesource.com
provides extensive information regarding divorce and
its process state-by-state. It also provides links to
forums and message centers that answer questions
about child custody, visitation, child support, and
spousal support. Articles, forms, agreements, and an
online bookstore are all available.
Association for Conflict
Resolution
1015 18th Street, NW, Ste. 1150
Washington, DC 20036. The Association for
Conflict Resolution represents and serves an audience
that includes more than 6,000 mediators, arbitrators,
facilitators, educators, and others involved in the
field of conflict resolution and collaborative decision-
making.
The Web site www.mediate.com provides
information and articles on divorce mediation as well
as a convenient mediator locator.