Ever wonder why Shakespeare said, "....let's kill all the lawyers?" I do, having recent-ly had another bad experience with a lawyer. As much as I know about the law (having written America's best selling book on self help law) I keep falling into the same trap. A problem arises that I do not feel qualified to help myself with (or my business with) so I go to a lawyer. In this partic-ular instance, it was as a consul-tant to a friend's company, and I chose a huge and well-known Florida law firm. Can't get much more prestigious, right? Wrong. Size and stature makes no differ-ence when dealing with lawyers, only the size of their retain-er gets bigger.

A Plea for Help

As I walk into the Brickle Avenue skyscraper filled with attorneys, I am not thinking like a lawyer would think, not putting my knowledge to work (or even my work on a yet unfinished book on legal malpractice). I am emo-tionally involved in a case of copyright infringement and mali-cious interference in a business relationship; and my friend's company is hurting. So I tell my tale of woe to a lawyer at the firm who is supposed to know the sub-ject. I plead for relief (help in lay-man's terms). He listens intently, not once but several times. He examines papers, not once but numerous times. He says, "Let's sue the b-d's; and by the way, mail me a check for $10,000."

Big Bucks

The company sends the dough, the suit is filed. Months go by. The other side, located in Portland, Oregon, asks the Miami court to move the case (for their convenience) to their city. Months go by. The Miami court, too filed with drug cases and the like, moves the case to Oregon. And we get a new law firm, in Portland. They want $7,500 and get it. More lawyers review the case and question our chances of winning big bucks. Now they want an hourly fee. "Okay, you got it," I tell them. "But why not talk to the Miami lawyer, he must have thought we could win big, he took the case and field the suit."

"Good idea," they say. After the two lawyers talk on the phone, I get a report. "The Miami lawyer said, `but they (my friend's com-pany) can only win if the case were to stay in Miami, which would cause the other side great expense and that might induce them to settle," was the essence of the report. Suddenly, I am no longer emotionally involved, I wake from my stupor of concern for the injustice done to my friend's company and realize that the Miami firm told me what they had to; to get the fee.

HALT

So, that is what Shakespeare meant - along with all the other, and perhaps more common prob-lems with lawyers in our complex and litigious society. But wait, don't despair - there is an orga-nization out there trying to help us all out of this quagmire of legal-ized rape by lawyers. Its name is HALT. It is an organization of Americans for legal reform; a non-profit, non-partisan public interest group with over 50,000 members (and I hope growing). According to HALT, "it is dedi-cated to helping all Americans handle their legal affairs simply, affordably and equitably."

Here are two of the organizations most important goals, in my opinion: 1. Assure consumer protec-tion against incompetence and fraud by replacing lawyer self-regulation with public control and accountability in the discipline systems for lawyers and judges. Right now the way the system works, in regard to lawyer disci-pline, is ay if the Belgrade Government were negotiating peace terms with it self.

2. Promote pro-consumer reforms in small claims, probate and the civil justice system.

Legal Reform

To further their goals HALT publishes, The Legal Reformer, a quarterly periodical that informs readers about major legal reform developments and what they can do to help. (It’s important that we all get involved if we are to affect change.) The organization has also just published a wonderful resource guide, Do-it-Yourself Law, HALT's Guide to Self-Help Books, Kits and Software. The 242-page, soft covered publica-tion is chock full of every possible piece of information in the self help legal field. Just as the subtitle indicates, you can find sources for almost any item form the many publishers (also listed) providing individuals with aces and information to and about our legal system. And in some cases, how to proceed pro-se (represent-ing your self). If you want to join HALT or receive the organization working for legal reform's cata-logue of publications, contact them at 202-887-8255 or at 24 www.halt.org.

Systemic Problem

Ray Jenks, a friend visiting the Keys from England, said (speaking about the problem with lawyers) "it is just as bad in the U.K. as it is in America." That surprised me, until I remembered that our civil justice system is based on their system. Therefore if the problem is endemic to the system, we should all work for change, on both sides of the "pond." I guess Shakespeare knew what he was talking about.

The opinions expressed in this column are those of the author, and do not necessarily reflect the editorial policies of this newspaper.